Vol. III Issue II
December 31, 2000
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Now for a Bit of Humor...
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Martha Stewart's Pagan Yule
December 1~ Bury turkey carcass from Thanksgiving
under the Holly tree to thank the tree for the six bushels pruned to
decorate the halls with. Draw pentagram in the dirt with silver
dust to prevent pet She- Wolf from digging up the bones.
December 2~ Order 20 cases of Irish whiskey to be left for
the Good Folk on Yule. Re-bury turkey carcass, re-do pentagram
in gold dust.
December 3~ Draw pentagram on each sheet of toilet paper
using silver marker for that festive holiday touch. Have staff
re-roll the paper onto Victorian "crackers" for that surprise
element. Re-bury carcass, consecrate concrete block, spray
paint with gold and use as planter for poinsettia. Place over
carcass.
December 4~ Take She-Wolf to vet for eating poinsettia. Send
out telepathic party invitations to 200 witches, shaman, and
druids for Yule party.
December 5~ Ex-mother in law's birthday. Send Victoria
Secret's nightgown rubbed with stinging nettle. Begin receiving
telepathic RSVP's for Yule party.
December 6~ Hand dip 365 gold candles for Yule party.
Consecrate using Sacred Lady Martha of the Stewart Clan
Yule Oil at a K-Mart near YOU! Have staff clean up the mess.
Pick Up She-Wolf at vets.
December 7~ Harvest herbs for the garden and crochet
200 herb pillows for guests. Stuff with the microwaved dried
herbs.
December 8~ Have the staff get their arms tattooed with
suns now so there will be time for the redness to disappear in time
for the party. Have staff decorate the Yule Tree.
December 9~ Repaint Nativity Scene so figures represent Isis,
Osiris, and Horus. Re-bury turkey. Take She-wolf to the pound. Buy
new wolf pup. Hire dog trainer.
December 10-11~ Fly to Europe to grub for truffles. Pick up
whiskey at the Irish distillery on the way back.
December 12~ Use Dremel tool to carve chalices out of quartz
crystal balls for the party. Roll the hand dipped candles in the
crystal dust to make them sparkle.
December 13~ Coven meeting! Get symbolically pregnant by
the HP during symbolic Great Rite ritual. Give hand forged
athames as gifts to coven members.
December 14~ Get six foot Yule Log from the local land co-op.
Decorate with holly, ivy and hand dipped candles rolled in
the crystal dust.
December 15~ See herbalist for private itching that has been
going on since last coven meeting. Burn all
undergarments. Have factory send new ones in red and green.
December 16~ Daughter home from college. Send her to
herbalist, too. Invite local fauna to graze on the front lawn for
decoration and hang wreaths over their necks.
December 17~ Climb great oak and cut mistletoe using golden
sickle. Leave hand cast silver coins at base in thanks. Burn sage
now to cleanse house so the smell will be gone in time for the
party. Pick up golden robe at dry cleaners and pack in lavender.
December 18~ Appear on Oprah to show my support for her
coming out of the broom closet. Bake chocolate moon pies with
banana cream filling, symbolic of the return of the sun. Bake
"stained glass" Pentacle cookies.
December 19~ Bake brownies laced with valerian and give to
fundamentalist neighbor. Butcher, gut and pluck 150
pheasants from the backyard coop and marinate in
consecrated wine. Harvest wild rice from the paddy out back.
December 20~ Yule party. Carve sliced carrot to resemble
miniature suns. Put red dye in the men's toilet
tanks, green in the women's toilet tanks. Have staff do
the cooking while I dress in my ceremonial robe. When
guests and TV crew arrive, assume meditative pose.
December 21~ dawn - give birth to symbolic sun god on the
dining room table as the guests and TV crew look on. After
guests leave, collect empty whiskey bottles drunk by the
Good Folk and recycle. Take a nap and dream of what I'll do for
Imbolg.
- Author Unknown Di What Would Pan Do WWPD
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Letter from Santa
Dear Y'all,
I regret to inform you that effective immediately, I will no
longer be able to serve the Southern United States on
Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming population of
the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North
American Fairies and Elves Local #209. I now serve only
certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and
Michigan. As part of the new and better contract, I also get
longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind.
However, I am certain that your children will be in good hands
with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin,
Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole.
He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and
girls. However, there are a few differences between us such as:
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There is no danger of The Grinch stealing your
presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his
sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys
insured by Smith and Wesson."
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Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that
children leave an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on
the fireplace and Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little
snuff though, so please have an empty spit can handy.
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Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin'
coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning
him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now
overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
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You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and
Blitzen..." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On
Earnhardt, on Wallace, on Martin and Labonte. On Rudd,
on Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty."
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"Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And
you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd
dat!"
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As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus'
sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back
with the words "Back off". The last I heard it also had other
decorations on the sleigh as well. One is a Ford logo with
lights that race through the letters and the other is a
caricature of me (Santa Claus) peeing on the Tooth Fairy.
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The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle
on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be
shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see
"Boss Hog Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit
IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of
state police cars crashing into each other.
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Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd
make sure the wife and the kids turn the other way when he
bends over to put presents under the tree.
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And finally, lovely Christmas songs have been sung
about me like "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer" and Bing
Crosby's "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town." This year songs
about Bubba Claus will be played on all the AM radio stations
in the South. Those song titles will be Mark Chesnutt's
"Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox"; Cledus T. Judd's "All I Want
for Christmas Is My Woman and a Six Pack", and Johnny
Paycheck's "If You Don't Like Bubba Claus, Shove It."
Sincerely Yours,
Santa Claus,
(Member) North American Fairies and Elves
Local #209
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Birthdays for December include:
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Dec. 8
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- Obsidian Silverleaf
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Birthdays for January include:
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Birthdays for February include:
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Feb. 27
Feb. 28
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- Morgan
- Spider
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May the Lady & Lord Bless your days.........
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Children's Crafting
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Alas..... at this time of the year little ones like to help
decorate for the holidays.... well, here's a simple way they can
do that....... (Parental Guidance Suggested)
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Holiday Ornaments.....
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Materials Needed......
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Paper - plain and/or colored
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cotton swabs
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scissors
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hole-puncher
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adhesive
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glitter - different colors (Caution do not get into EYES)
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String, Yarn, Thread, Ribbon or something to hang them
up with......
After your Holy symbols and other designs are cut out,
using a cotton swab dab it in your glue and draw on the edge of
the piece or inside...... next, take your glitter and sprinkle
(thickly) on the piece, (Do Not Press On The Glitter), next,
gently pick up your piece by the edge and lift up and let the
remaining glitter fall off....... Now, watch the eyes widen and
oooooo's sound out...... next, with the hole-puncher make a
hole to hang your creation with........
Now, if both sides wish to be done, wait till the first side is
completely dried......then proceed to do the same
process........And have a wonderful Yule season.............
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Lady & Lord Bless
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*Blessed Be*
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"Our Lady's Faces"
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December 3, 2000.
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Waxing Moon
Our Lady will be in her second phase,
she's waxing. She is building energy and focusing it for whatever
needs arise. Her name at this time is "Diana," and many others
according to culture.
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December 11, 2000
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Full Moon:
Our Lady will be in her third phase, totally
full. This is the height of her being and fulfillment of all, as the great
mother is about to give birth. Her name is "Selene," and many others
according to culture.
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December 17, 2000
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Waning Moon:
Our Lady will be in her fourth phase,
she's waning. Now is the time for breaking down, destruction,
doing away with what does not work for healing, and the wisdom
for seeing this appears. This is the time of the Dark Mother, Crone,
Grandmother, as she does not need light to see into the depths of
being. She gives us a choice to see or not to see. The question is
"Are we willing to see what is there?" Her name is "Hecate," and
many others according to culture.
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December 25, 2000
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New Moon:
Our Lady will be in her first phase, she's
beginning anew. Her name at this time is "Green Hecate," and
many others according to culture.
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Yule,
Winter Solstice
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Yes, for some Pagans & Witches this is the High Point of
the Winter season, and for some this is the beginning of it....... as
well as for both Pagans & Witches this is a Minor Holiday
whereas, for Druids this is a Major Holiday....... Now, the
Light is given birth to again....... and begins to grow in this the
shortest day and longest night of the year.....considering the
mantle of snow the Lady pulls up around her as she goes into
her slumber after giving birth to this wonderful gift of
light.........and while she sleeps the Holy King nurtures that
gift.......... may that same light be sparked in our all hearts this
Yule holiday......... so mote it be.......
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Lady & Lord Bless
Blessed Be
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